CHEST PAINTING IS THE ULTIMATE TEAM SPORT
Dedicated fans throughout the history of fandom have been sporting their teams colors. The fans we like to roll with always give 110%, whether it's deep-frying a turkey or tenting in the cold for months outside the stadium to get the best spot. These people are winners and winners never rest until it's done right. There are times when a true win-at-all-costs attitude demands sacrificing the body, like taking a charge or throwing yourself in front of a slap shot. In this case, we're talking about body paint. Below you'll find our Body Paint Commandments. Follow them to paint your face and body correctly, making sure you don't get hurt and that you don't get stuck in head-to-toe blue, for instance, beyond game day.
*Just to be sure you get this, we've conveniently included corresponding pictures for non-readers.
RULE #1: NEVER USE ACRYLIC PAINT
Little known fact, but the base for most acrylic paints is ground up seashells and pigment. The latter is a know carcinogen. NO BUENO. Furthermore, as the paint dries it turns into stretchy-cracky-plasticky substance, which, as you can see, can get pretty itchy by the 3rd quarter. Go Wolfpack Nation! But then you're taking a 2-hour shower immediately following the game… Maybe just leave and come back.
RULE #2: SAY NO TO OIL-BASED PAINT AS WELL
You may paint like Norman Rockwell, just don't use your chest as a canvas. Not only can you literally poison yourself after extended exposure to some oil-based paints, but it will almost certainly make you break out in a rash. Moreover, oil-based paints don't exactly dry quickly, so make sure not to rub against that huge opposing fan waiting in line for a hot dog. That may not end well… Kudos to this artist though. The canvas looks pretty soft and lumpy, but the piece still came out extra strong.
RULE #3: REALIZE MIRRORS AREN'T ALWAYS YOUR FRIEND
Ambulances aren't the only ones who understand that mirrors project the inverse of an image. If you're looking in a mirror and your face- or body paint looks so perfect that you can read it, sorry amigo, you might have to start again. Here's an idea: make sure you have good friends who would not let you go to the game with a huge error on your face. Just as fair-weather fans suck, so too do fair-weather friends.
RULE #4: ALCOHOL-BASED PAINT WORKS WELL. (JUST KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO).
Alcohol-based paint works surprisingly well indeed. Come on…looooook at that David Stern signature!!! Ok. Real talk though for a sec. The main issue that arises from using alcohol-based paint is the fact that it will stain your face and last for a day or two after applying. This is clearly perfect for October 30th game days because you have Halloween the following day. But obviously for the other 364 days of the year, you might need to call out sick for a few.
WARNING: Under no circumstances can you drink the paint. Beer is a fine replacement.
RULE #5: IN A PINCH, THERE'S ALWAYS LIPSTICK
With the vast array of colors you can find at the drug store or makeup stores such as Sephora, you'd actually be pretty surprised at how easily you can find your team's colors. We've even found the right blue for you Cameron Crazies out there! But certainly if you're a Hoosiers fan, this is totally in your wheelhouse. Lipstick is wax-based and does wash off…err…kinda well. We suggest use of lipstick as body paint only for special occasions that require on-field application. Also, if you're using red for instance, be prepared to sport a slight red hue that'll stick around for a few days after game day…
RULE #6: DO USE WATER-BASED PAINT
Ok let's break it down here for you in an effort to be über specific: We are talking water-based, FDA-approved, cosmetic grade body paint. That is the only kind of paint you should apply on your body on game day. No harsh chemicals, no carcinogens, no itchy weird scaly skin, just pure fandom at work. It works well on cardboard too, by the way, if one of your buddies bails at the last minute. There is a large selection on Amazon right now. Check one selection out here.
We want you to send us your topless pics too (dudes…not dudettes…unless you're lady lumps are covered). Send us your favorite game day body paint pics via DM on Instagram, or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org!